My dad in Gran Torino

At my request, my brother sent me a couple of hours worth of family videos. I was feeling a little stuck, and usually when I feel that way, it's time to do some "shadow work"--to take a look at the dark side... And what better way to do so than by looking at Super 8's of childhood.

I saw how helpful, yet kind of condescending, I was to my younger (2 yrs) sister, as I helped her with her Christmas stocking; and how weirdly adult-like I was at the age of eight.

I had specifically asked my brother to send along the videos he took of Dad during a visit to Dad's home in Boston circa 1990. I had taken a look at the videos shortly after Dad had passed in 1996, and found them too negative and dark to watch all the way through. I felt more centered now, and wanted to take another gander.

My dad was a deeply frustrated and angry man, but he turned that anger and frustration in on himself with disturbingly self-deprecating humor, and outright whining.

He spoke of "going somewhere" where he could "get myself together again," citing the vast terrain of irritations he underwent at home--anything from three large, loud and untrained Bassett Hounds, to his motor-mouthed daughter-in-law, not to mention of course, all "the pressure" from his computer science teaching position at the local college (where "no one puts their friggin' name on their goddam papers").

I could never figure out if Dad was more reveling in the downer of it all for sympathy payoffs, or if he was truly trapped in a miserable life without hope of escape. A bit of both, I suspect. By claiming overwhelm, it was easier to lower expectations from others, but mainly from himself.

I think where I got some of my sense of entitlement was a bad social habit I picked up from learning how to "man up" from him. To be a man, one's life must be easy, to show how in control a man is of his life, and when it isn't easy, it is necessary to lash out at the social injustice of it all. That signals to others that there were irresistible forces at play--far beyond the considerable talents of self to overcome.

As a young man myself, I continually felt displaced, like a fugitive running from crime I didn't commit. It was as if the punishment Dad seemed to endure was the result of some crime he did commit, and so, I decided to run. He just decided to lie down and take it.

In a way, maybe that seemed more manly in my teenaged warp field, but it did give me something to rebel against, and to strive for a rebellious alternative--like running away. To not run away would mean a certain excruciatingly slow and crushing defeat.

So, I watched the videos of my dad, along with the amused and darkly sly comments of my little brother (5 yrs. younger) as he ran the camcorder. I laughed a lot. I was relieved that I was laughing, because it felt like a true release--as if I'd successfully escaped certain death in some way.

Then, I watched Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino. I didn't set out to watch the movie, instead ran across it on HBO. I'd been intending to see it (I'm a die hard Clint fan), so that was my chance.

I slowly realized the synchronicity of the film to the Dad videos. Both men were grumpy old codgers with a score to settle. The big difference was that Clint characteristically went out with a bang, and Dad went out with a whimper. Yet, both men were stubborn holdouts from a world changing around them increasingly inhabited by disrespectful, angry and phony people.

The irony was that both men directly contributed to their experience of that world with their attitudes and words, yet underneath you just know they were tender as newborn kittens desperately looking for a way to express that tenderness.

Of course, my dad didn't leave this life under a hail of bullets a la Clint, but I'm sure in his mind the metaphorical bullets of everyday frustrations and irritations killed him just as dead.

During the eulogy scene in the movie, I started crying, and cried through the credits. I ended up listening to the haunting movie theme song (written by Kyle Eastwood) four times after downloading it from ITunes. It just said so much to me about more of my life than I wanted to admit...at first.

I woke up this morning feeling released, as though I didn't need to protect myself so much, as if life is safer somehow, and that without the taskmasters conjured in my head, life actually is simple, easy and straightforward.

Thanks, Dad. Thanks, Clint.

Message to 2010

In my continually changing world view I've noticed there are some perceptions with underlying values that have remained constant throughout my life. They have served as my overall life intentions for this earthly world, and despite my own character flaws and physical and mental imperfections, spiritually, I remain committed to these, at times seemingly unrealistic, visions of a future.

This future is really the True World I am living in right now. The differences between that vision and the apparent "reality" of life is where the spiritual work lies--where I discover my own clandestine involvement in its creation and persistence.

That said, here are my intentions broadcast within and ahead to the linear timeline for this upcoming orbit around our sun.

1. The love, respect and poignant compassion I have for my family, friends, children and all beings incarnated in this struggle we call life, is felt by them. They know are loved, cared for, and know that everything is "going to be all right."

2. Homeless and hungry men, women and children find gateways to loving sanctuary and sustenance, and that social priorities embrace this basic right of all humans over and above the egoistic seeking of legislation for monetary profit and social standing.

3. The powerful and self-serving look out upon the world and realize their power and self-service can become Divine Power in the Service of the higher Self--and they make the commitment to open the floodgates of love and compassion to all those in need of it.

4. All people everywhere, even just for a moment, see themselves in the eyes of another, expanding their sense of compassion for humanity.

5. The governments of the world understand that the enemies of humanity are the enemies within, and that no manner of military action will ever directly change that. But, if those who would profit from war are seen for who they are, and that they see themselves in that way, and seek to change, peace will reign.

6. The belief that peace has always created more affluence than war becomes widespread among world leaders, who then shift priorities in that way.

7. The great and infinite Univseral flood of creativity, possibility, beauty and abundance finally breaks down the brittle walls of fear, lack, and depression, heralding a Golden Age of Art, Music, Literature and Culture.

8. The sea of monetary currency floats upon a greater ocean of good will, security and gratitude. The financial structures of the world embrace the idea that abundance for all trumps the wealth of the few, and that most of the world's trials and tribulations can be solved immediately by economic opportunity.

9. The militaries of the world become the True Peacemakers, bringing about forgiveness, resolution, and compassion in the darkest and most hateful of places.

10. The broken, miserable, sick and deranged brothers and sisters find the healing they seek and the Peace that passeth all understanding.

This is my Broadcast to the coming year. May these ancient True Realities manifest effortlessly and bless the lives of everyone.

Peace,

Boyd Martin
Oregon, North America, Earth

Inspiration from an armless, legless man...

If you start getting grumpy about how things "aren't going your way," or feeling frustrated because of a series of small disappointments, check out this guy. It'll put things in perspective for you...

World's oldest marijuana stash totally busted - Discovery.com- msnbc.com

World's oldest marijuana stash totally busted - Discovery.com - msnbc.com

Humans are truly hard-wired for pot. As Terence McKenna, world renown ethnobotanist has pointed out, there are receptors in the human brain specifically for the THC molecule...

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My Case for Hope in the Music Business

My 56th birthday marked my 44th year performing as a professional musician, and though I've been kicked, burned, beaten and slammed by the music "business," my hope for it was never really destroyed.

Many of you may remember back to the late 80's when I published the monthly rag, The Portland Live Music Guide. Although I was a competitor for the same advertising dollars as Ms. Carter was with Positively Entertainment, we maintained a friendly exchange of information and resources. The music scene in Portland was booming, and a lot of things were happening nationally for its musicians. It was a simpler time.

After realizing The Guide was starting to complicate my musical progress due to its demands, I ceased publication in 1992, and I went to work for Maggie White's weekly, The Downtowner, as the music editor--a much less demanding job.

When I discovered the Internet in late 1994, I was wide-eyed and breathless about the incredible potential it represented for changing everything. Infatuated with the idea of being able to share information anytime with anyone anywhere, I posted the databases I had developed from The Guide and from my contacts book for the Downtowner, and soon obtained the domain name of IndieAvenue.com.

The dot-com bubble

IndieAvenue became a popular resource for Northwest-musician early adopters of the web. I expanded the scope of the site to include Oregon and Washington, and at its peak, IndieAvenue listed over 5,000 musicians, 1200 music venues and festivals, and a complete media database. The enterprising DIY band or musician could more easily book and promote gigs, and music aficionados could more easily find their favorite live music in the region.

By Y2K, I was knee-deep in website development, not making a dime, and $4K in the red. The web at the time seemed somehow immune to conventional ideas about revenue models. Most big internet companies up until that time were not making any money, either, but that didn't seem to stop venture capitalists, who seemed perfectly happy to throw millions at any kind of idea for a website, even without a revenue model.

Then I got my phone call. Seems a group of Internet entrepreneurs had spotted IndieAvenue, and wanted to discuss "acquisition options" with me for an online entertainment-booking project. I ended up in a giant lawyers' office overlooking Pioneer Square, gazing out across a huge mahogany table, surrounded by glass walls, and several three-piece suits. By the end of the meeting I'd been hired as VP of Database Development at $72K a year, and a future so bright I had to wear shades.

Then the bubble burst. Eight months after that phone call, I was the last one standing, having been paid not one penny, and having authored at least a dozen rewrites of full-blown business plans for investors who were dropping like flies in a DDT factory.

Needless to say, I was a wreck, and so was pretty much everything else. With the subsequent economic recession following the "internet tech bubble," gigs dried up, my truck broke down, and so did my relationships. Then came 9-11.

Post- 9-11

I remember I had just gotten a little bit of a roll going with the Kid Lopez Band where I could actually see some light at the end of the tunnel. The following weekend after 9-11, the venue we were playing was literally empty. No one there except the bartender, a hapless waitress and us. We figured it was just because everyone was home watching Terrorism TV, but it ended up being much deeper than that.

After a few months of this, we began to conclude that the terrorists had truly won. The club scene was practically toxic. I can't tell you how many live music venues in the Northwest came and went between Sept. 11, 2001, and the next three years, but it was a LOT. And our part of the country was actually doing quite well, as I found out on a couple of US tours with Terry Evans.

Since those dark days, the music scene has seemed to crawl back, but venue attendance is still down on average to this day, and people don't seem to want to stay out as late, or as long.

Nonetheless, I think the arts, particularly music, can be somewhat recession proof--people want to listen to it when they're up and when they're down. For the professional musician, the trick is being able to find when and where people do want to listen to music, and then get in there and provide it. For the music lover, the trick is the same--where is stuff I like and when can I get it?

The Internet--in 2008--has answered both of those questions with "right here, and right now," much to the chagrin of the Music Business Establishment. In fact, I think it's safe to say that nothing is the same as it was 10 years ago in the music business, or even last month. Things are moving so fast it is nearly impossible to keep up with all the online options, twists and turns for both musicians and music lovers.

MyGigNet

Then I got my other phone call. This one was from Dave Kahl, long-time Portland bassist and local music ambassador. We sat down outside of the Candlelight Bar Downtown on a sunny day and he proceeded to blow my mind with some ideas he'd been working on for several years. I was amazed at how we seemed to be sharing the same mind in several ways about how the Internet could be applied to making music.

The result has become MyGigNet.com. Dave has assembled a great team to accomplish what I believe will be the equivalent of a Rosetta Stone for the music business. It is what the Internet was designed for, and is a project "on the right side of history" for an industry sorely in need of it.

In a sentence, MyGigNet is the new online operating system for musicians and music lovers. If it has anything to do with the performance or enjoyment of music, MyGigNet is its location. In fact, the entire music economy will live at MyGigNet: education, collaboration, performance, music recording and distribution. It represents a "cradle to grave" community approach that goes far beyond standard social networking.

We refer to MyGigNet as a music economy because its focus is not mainly on the end product (as are most musician/music sites are now), but on people creating community. And as in a community, its members contribute and are compensated. There have been a few experiments in "revenue-sharing" before on the web, but no attempt so far to do the whole enchilada.

The promise of the web, especially for music types, is to be able to make a living doing the art; and if you are a music consumer, it is to be able to connect to and interact with the best music and musicians in the world. This is the promise MyGigNet is endeavoring to deliver.

Will you join us? Visit the MyGigNet.com forum (follow the link), cruise around and see what we've got cooking.

Why is the media the enemy?

I come from the generation that as hippies said, "Kill your TV!" And, for the most part, after the initial ideology of that view faded away, there remained a cynical take on TV media that has carried over into the 21st Century. And, it's a good thing.

Today, I received an email from a musician friend of mine who is living in Branson, Missouri. He owns a music store there, and he works with his father producing "expose" type radio shows. He's gathered a fair number of people onto his mailing list, and just because we played music together when he lived here, I guess he figured I should be on this list of his.

Well, come to find out, this Joe the Musician (Joe being his actual name), embraces political views that cross my line in the moral sand. I have read them with amusement because of their extremist, paranoid, and outrageously right wing slant. I think he and the people on this mailing list started out being pretty straight Libertarian, which I can appreciate, but as the messages wore on, a tedious religiousity emerged.

Some of the references the messages named as "authoritative sources" were sites such as American Free Press, whose express purpose is to convince everyone that all news organizations other than AFP are "the enemy." There is a blatent disdain for anything "mainstream," and a sort of holier than though rant through the whole site.

The thing that's frustrating, is that for many years, I had that same disdain, and was Mr. Conspiracy Theory. That is, until I grew up.

I'm sure there are many "evil people" in the world and I'm sure some of them have been given a lot of power by people who were duped or paid off, or who just couldn't care less. And for me, that's where it ends. What's the point of giving these miscreants further power by dwelling on all the possible ways we all could be destroyed "IF" these perverted agendas were to be realized.

A further frustration for me, is that these "real news sources," seem to feel vindicated with recent world events. The crashing economy: "We predicted that!" (Well you and hundreds of perfectly sensible economists). The Bilderbergers and Rothschilds and what about David Icke. What about it? What relevance does speculations on dispicable outcomes have towards building a peaceful, verdant world?

Bullies can only be bullies when others give them power. True, some of them are vampires, but even they can only suck that power out of those who put themselves in that position. And getting into that position is a product of fear and loathing.

We live in the world that we make. You can have a peaceful, fruitful life, full of love and abundance; or, you can choose to embrace fear and be a victim. I opted out of the latter when I grew up. I grew up when I realized the way to a better life is to start living it.

By railing against the "evil media empire," Joe's people become what they resist. They are victimized by their own intolerance and fear.

Once again, to quote the most relevant statement about the current world condition: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." We don't need to kill our TVs, simply embrace the folly of human fear, and observe that there is a transformation on the other side of that fear. It's called love.

Fear itself...

Hey Bobi,

Well, I've been watching videos (below) like this (BTW, they were talking about this in 70s), and reading even more over the past 20 years, and I've come to the conclusion that if it was that easy to bring the world to its collective knees, it would have been done by now.

There are always people with too much power, but they end up getting corrupted by it, leading to their demise. It's a sad pattern here on old planet Earth. The bright spot is that humans, I believe, truly are evolving, becoming more conscious, and a great metaphor for that is the Internet. Indeed, the Internet allowed the global connections for greedy bankers and investors to spread their nefarious wares, and it also ultimately brought them down, all over a very short period of time.

I have every confidence that this "market correction" is absolutely necessary to restore the deeper trust and confidence needed to raise human economies to the next global level. It's very exciting to me. FDR's quote rings truer now than ever: "The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself."

B.

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Boyd,

This is verry interesting and disturbing all in one. What do you make of it and do you think there is any validity to what he is saying??? Please give me you feed back.

Hugs, Bobi

PLEASE WATCH THE VIDEO BELOW.......

NOW WOULD BE A GREAT TIME TO GET TRAVEL VISAS FOR EVERY FAMILY MEMBER! IT WOULDNT HURT TO START A GARDEN.

This is extremly important to you families future.
PLEASE watch this short American warning video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ge2J2lNusJs